never play flip cup with pint glasses
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
