do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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