Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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