I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
