Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
