On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
