he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
