My hand turned me down
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
