made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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