i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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