Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
