Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
