dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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