I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
