there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
