i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
whose parrot is this?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
