I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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