This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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