everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
