im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
