you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
