i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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