Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
