i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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