Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
