Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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