I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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