i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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