The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
