Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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