It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
