i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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