Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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