I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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