they need to just BURY HIM!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
