its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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