I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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