As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
