Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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