You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
