I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Alive.
So much puke
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My life is pants optional.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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