i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is my gift to your gina
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
