That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
