I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she told me i tasted like america
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
