I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
