I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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