She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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