Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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