Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
