not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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