what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
